In My Mind's Eye....Totally some 5am MST Shi*t!

So I’m really not a blogger, but I guess you can say I was inspired tonight so I wrote… and I tagged anyone I seen tonight or maybe you just came to my mind tonight. So today was Friday the 13th and it was a day that intrigued a lot of thought for me. First I read a play this morning called AUGUST; OSAGE COUNTY. Highly recommended and very well written. Now this play, played with my head, had me thinking completely out of the box today. So I took risks, I thought about completing a poem I starting writing over two years ago about my little brother Marques who was killed June 07. I thought about expressing how I felt about the news I heard TODAY about my mother… that she was being sent to a mental institution TODAY 03/13.09 Because she HAS BEEN THINKING ABOUT KILLING HERSELF. How do I feel??? I don’t know because the first thing I wanted to do was to make it go away, maybe drink it away the way she did before she entered the hospital and INFORMED them that she no longer wanted to live because in MY MIND she couldn’t have been sober to admit that aloud… And I cry for her… because that’s the first emotion to arise. So out of my character, but appropriate because as much as I avoid or hide from my truths, they will never cease to exist. And although I am confused because my mother was never really given the opportunity to be just that, I have never been given the opportunity to understand or respect it. So I don’t really know how to feel right now. But as much as she and I bump heads, I PRAY for her. I WANT her to be the woman she is SUPPOSE to be. I HURT for her, I STRESS for her, I AM her and she still REJECTS me. I’m 25 , successful, and STILL SHE REJECTS me and STILL I HURT FOR HER, WITH HER-- still unable to disconnect myself FROM HER. I was beginning to love her because I ASSUMED she was beginning to love herself, today I found out I was wrong… HOW would you feel? I am ALL CRIED OUT from her and my father and I can HONESTLY SAY, YOU CAN’T MISS WHAT YOU NEVER HAD.—In REFERENCE to my biological PARENTS ONLY. But even they were AMAZING enough to have Off-Springs that could someday change the world. I’m content knowing that I will, that WE WILL! And that motivates me! The ONLY confirmation I WILL EVER NEED, because no matter what happens WE ARE HERE! I love you Mike, Marques (RIP), Dana and Donovan! WE ARE HERE!